I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
