Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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