I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
