What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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