there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
