I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
