I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
