It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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