dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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