Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
