Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
