I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
