It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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