i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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