and you said cock pushups were impossible
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
