You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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