talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
