Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
