you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
