He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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