I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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