WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
