only you would photoshop your dick
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
