there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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