Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
