my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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