i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
