being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
