Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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