literally had 100 drinks last night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
