Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
