I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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