8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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