sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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