If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
