Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
