You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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