Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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