I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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