remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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