dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
