He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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