halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
