as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
