OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
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