i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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