Have you finally orgasmed yet?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
