I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
