All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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