it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
50% drunk capacity currently
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
