she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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