high people should be assigned attendants
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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